these things shouldnt happen!-AT ALL!!!!

i'm still upset... things have changed, ofcourse, they have, and they will if you write after yearss... but things have changed terribly... they are awful and they make me very upset.

there is one lil thing that happened about, well in June, and it is still haunting me... thats like on my mind- For Ever! well, no good hiding it... right, i'm trying to get over a guy!!

hahaha!

no more comments!

class XI... no it does not feel like 'a dream come true'... because dreams are beautiful... you enjoy them... and had it been a dream i wouldnt have been so occupied with the most stupid things, i wouldnt have left my guitar, dropped dancing for more than a month, stopped writing, stopped being me!!!

niether it is a nightmare! because... arrghh!!! nightmares are worse than this!!!!!!

not that i hate XI or something like that, i'm enjoying it. Commerce is fun... better than science and i enjoy my foreign subjects... studying has never been troublesome for me!

now what is happening is annoying!!

my friends... i think they take me for granted! wtf... fortunately i'm a bit out of the fights, the ego clashes and the tiffs!! i have so much to do... my svt 16... dude, less than 2monthss!!! it is suppose to be bigg!!! and there is this ''groupism'' going on school... and its probably me only whose so hyped about it... because i can see it happening infront of me! we the so called 8, ha! breaking... what can be worse than that... why cant they apply a bit of their minds, why so much attitude...why sooo much ego, sooo many grudges!! and i can feel it happening!! and unfortunately i cant do anything about it... because if i say anything, ha! no body LISTENSS!! I'M LIKE AN INAUDIBLE BLABBER MOUTH TO THEM!! W.T.F.

i'm still going strong!

and i will!

God, just support me!

More than anything i feel guilty... i didnt blog, niether did i write in my Cheer...
this month, was the most unexpected one... so much happened that i was so distracted to do anything...
tutions, friends, guitar, my laziness -ofcourse!... a lil more... At one point i forgot that i had other commitments thanks to a new one that i made... but it all ended. I'm *hopefully* back to normal...
And the best is, that now, I'm having a panic-attack... A list of last time chores are running through my mind, again and again AND AGAIN!
freak, tomorrow my school starts... I'll be in the second most SENIOR CLASS... and more than being excited i'm wishing that i could get just ONE more day...
i dont regret anything about this summer... but i feel very disappointed in me for not being able to achieve two GOALS that i had set for myself for these 3 months... i could'nt... i wish i could become a lil more headstrong like my mother...

after this i will definately write my journal... i have to buy books of 3 other subjects tomorrow from school. in the evening i have to go and buy my NEW bag! :D
at one point i'm veryyyyyyy excited to meet everyone... it will be so much of fun... new teachers, new class mates, first thing i wanna do is to find out about the upcoming co-curricular activities, it is my last year to participate... eepp!! Find out about the posts for which an 11grader can apply to get a BATCH!

This summer... as i would walk tomorrow out of my home... i feel more responsible. this summer i'd help my mother so much, for circumstances were such. i feel more confident about myself. i'm sure of what i'm doing. as this summer ends i realise that no one can be as lazy as i'm...
as this summer concludes i feel that trust is a very weak string, once you over-stretch it, it will break. it reminds me of a verse by the great poet Kabir, who said once the trust is broken, no matter how much to try, it can never be same again... i wish it doesnt happen with me.
as i will enter class 11 tomorrow, i fear the new studies. i'm unsure of what i'm gonna do after 12th, but i'm very satisfied by taking up commerce WITH maths (except that part, where i wont get to see my friends in the class...)AS i would study from tomorrow in the class room of 11th, i would recall everything that i did in 10th, for i still do the same now... no doubt that when i did ask my seniors about class 10th, they were so true about the fact that yes, class 10 was a piece of cake.. it requires hard work and complete dedication but i havent come across such easy syllabus ever, in my life! :)
i feel very proud of myself because i think i have successfully completed a level of... *
i could feel the very importance of class 10, the pressure on me when i was asked what subject i want to take... the importance being that, that only based on these subjects i'm opening and closing opportunities for various professions for myself... out of which i have to choose one.. that will determine my fortune... well that will be the finale of this new level that i have just started... it is way ahead in future...

and thats it... this summer i even got my frist cell phone!! yeahh.. that, btw, was the besttt part...
then last week i WENT TO THE GREAT ''HARD ROCK CAFE'' BABYYyyy!! its like the bestttttttt place for music freaks... so cool...harshita and me had gone.. it just recently opened up in delhi.. or else it is very famous all over the world...

my belly dancing is going greattt... i was suppose to have a show, but then i most probably will be having it on the 17th... and anyway, the GREAT NEWS WAS THAT I GOT PROMOTED ON TO THE NEXTTTTTTT LEVEL...I WAS SOOOoo happy! :D JUST LEARNT CHOREOGRAPHY ON THIS SONG FROM THE BOLLLYWOOD MOVIE *DELHI 6* ''genda fool''.. crazie, rite! :P

apart, there wasnt anything special that i'm missing on to or i dont think there is anything else that extra ordinary that i would like to put it down here...
i had the same old not so boring and exciting life :-P ... over the time, saloni and me became like besties... sholay recently turned 16... i'm soooooooooooo excited for mine... :)

ps. this reminds me, i still have to buy a gift for my girlfriend, hehe, sherlyn, that is! (suggestions are welcomed)

pps: today the 7th of july, is my dear sister's boyfriend's Sayantan's BIRTHDAY!!! so HAPPY BIRTHDAYYyyyyyyyyyyyy to him!! :D

*aNnOy€d*

I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm angry at myself, very very very veryyyyyyyy mad at me!! 

Somehow whatever i wanted to do this summer i SO WASNT ABLE TO! and this sucks... i was soo freaking excited for these holidays and now that they have gone, rather i have wasted them, i feel terrible... i had a list of tonnsss of stuff to do but i have no idea why aint am doing NOTHING! 

Yes, i'm learning belly-dancing, what i really wanted but that wasnt the ONLY thing on my freaking list!

i'm surprised at myself, for how LAZY i could be????????? howmuch? if i cant do my work how will i EVER BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR ANYBODY!!

THIS SOO SUCKS!

I'M LAZYING TO EVEN WRITE MY BLOG, MY CHEER, TO HELP MAA IN HOUSE, NOT EXERCISING, TO LEARN CEDAR-I'M SO IRREGULAR, THAT THE PROGRESS IS ALMOST NIL!!!! :( :( :(

AND WHATEVER I PLANN TO DO, CERTAINLY DOESNT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm mad at myself...

''am i that unwanted... so ugly, hideous, the odd one out, Princess of myself...

whatever i maybe, whatever maybe its reason... i dont wanna know, i dont care, cuz here i repeat myself again , i'm FREAKING tired of everything CHANGING--> improving myself agn and agn... c'mon, now, someone has to accept the way i'm.. god bless everyone!.. i loev you,

*sign* "

i miss you as well...

sakshi my dear sisi wrote a blog post dedicated to our beloved (late) cousin Mansi dee, which made me weep... 

sakshi and dee were like twins...always together, same school, same class... and i was excluded from all the sisterly fun...so ofcourse, sisi had soo much to weep on and here i cant think of anything that included dee and me... however, she's the best sis i have ever had, even better than sakshi... i remember only this much that she wanted to be a doctor and i would always say that i would be your nurse... and she had, like, trillion of stuff toys that i'd adore a lot.. she even wrote diaries, my another source of inspiration to write, she taught me how to use the computer, with her i'd spent less, but, very precious years of life... she's always been happy go lucky person and that's how i remember her...dee had dark complexion, so her face with big colgate smile... beautiful long hair... what not...

since the day she's gone,she's left the family, i somehow started hating her... because she left me alone...i loved her soo bad... and i was suppose to be her nurse and she a doctor... because of her i was inspired to be a doctor... i even started liking silvy, her cat... i didnt like that she became mean for a moment and ended everything she had not realising that it made an immortal hole in our family which can never be filled, no matter what!!! (yeah, i'm being selfish here)

i was even jealous of sakshi for she got to be with dee more than i did... i so enjoyed being at her place, playing with her, especially tickling her... but i remember, that i really loved her,  we had fun at her place... i'm sorry, i dont miss you that much, anymore, probably because there's not much of what i can think and miss that...i have very very veryyy vague memory of dee and me together... yes, these 5 years did pass in a blink of an eye... 

miss you.