these things shouldnt happen!-AT ALL!!!!

i'm still upset... things have changed, ofcourse, they have, and they will if you write after yearss... but things have changed terribly... they are awful and they make me very upset.

there is one lil thing that happened about, well in June, and it is still haunting me... thats like on my mind- For Ever! well, no good hiding it... right, i'm trying to get over a guy!!

hahaha!

no more comments!

class XI... no it does not feel like 'a dream come true'... because dreams are beautiful... you enjoy them... and had it been a dream i wouldnt have been so occupied with the most stupid things, i wouldnt have left my guitar, dropped dancing for more than a month, stopped writing, stopped being me!!!

niether it is a nightmare! because... arrghh!!! nightmares are worse than this!!!!!!

not that i hate XI or something like that, i'm enjoying it. Commerce is fun... better than science and i enjoy my foreign subjects... studying has never been troublesome for me!

now what is happening is annoying!!

my friends... i think they take me for granted! wtf... fortunately i'm a bit out of the fights, the ego clashes and the tiffs!! i have so much to do... my svt 16... dude, less than 2monthss!!! it is suppose to be bigg!!! and there is this ''groupism'' going on school... and its probably me only whose so hyped about it... because i can see it happening infront of me! we the so called 8, ha! breaking... what can be worse than that... why cant they apply a bit of their minds, why so much attitude...why sooo much ego, sooo many grudges!! and i can feel it happening!! and unfortunately i cant do anything about it... because if i say anything, ha! no body LISTENSS!! I'M LIKE AN INAUDIBLE BLABBER MOUTH TO THEM!! W.T.F.

i'm still going strong!

and i will!

God, just support me!

More than anything i feel guilty... i didnt blog, niether did i write in my Cheer...
this month, was the most unexpected one... so much happened that i was so distracted to do anything...
tutions, friends, guitar, my laziness -ofcourse!... a lil more... At one point i forgot that i had other commitments thanks to a new one that i made... but it all ended. I'm *hopefully* back to normal...
And the best is, that now, I'm having a panic-attack... A list of last time chores are running through my mind, again and again AND AGAIN!
freak, tomorrow my school starts... I'll be in the second most SENIOR CLASS... and more than being excited i'm wishing that i could get just ONE more day...
i dont regret anything about this summer... but i feel very disappointed in me for not being able to achieve two GOALS that i had set for myself for these 3 months... i could'nt... i wish i could become a lil more headstrong like my mother...

after this i will definately write my journal... i have to buy books of 3 other subjects tomorrow from school. in the evening i have to go and buy my NEW bag! :D
at one point i'm veryyyyyyy excited to meet everyone... it will be so much of fun... new teachers, new class mates, first thing i wanna do is to find out about the upcoming co-curricular activities, it is my last year to participate... eepp!! Find out about the posts for which an 11grader can apply to get a BATCH!

This summer... as i would walk tomorrow out of my home... i feel more responsible. this summer i'd help my mother so much, for circumstances were such. i feel more confident about myself. i'm sure of what i'm doing. as this summer ends i realise that no one can be as lazy as i'm...
as this summer concludes i feel that trust is a very weak string, once you over-stretch it, it will break. it reminds me of a verse by the great poet Kabir, who said once the trust is broken, no matter how much to try, it can never be same again... i wish it doesnt happen with me.
as i will enter class 11 tomorrow, i fear the new studies. i'm unsure of what i'm gonna do after 12th, but i'm very satisfied by taking up commerce WITH maths (except that part, where i wont get to see my friends in the class...)AS i would study from tomorrow in the class room of 11th, i would recall everything that i did in 10th, for i still do the same now... no doubt that when i did ask my seniors about class 10th, they were so true about the fact that yes, class 10 was a piece of cake.. it requires hard work and complete dedication but i havent come across such easy syllabus ever, in my life! :)
i feel very proud of myself because i think i have successfully completed a level of... *
i could feel the very importance of class 10, the pressure on me when i was asked what subject i want to take... the importance being that, that only based on these subjects i'm opening and closing opportunities for various professions for myself... out of which i have to choose one.. that will determine my fortune... well that will be the finale of this new level that i have just started... it is way ahead in future...

and thats it... this summer i even got my frist cell phone!! yeahh.. that, btw, was the besttt part...
then last week i WENT TO THE GREAT ''HARD ROCK CAFE'' BABYYyyy!! its like the bestttttttt place for music freaks... so cool...harshita and me had gone.. it just recently opened up in delhi.. or else it is very famous all over the world...

my belly dancing is going greattt... i was suppose to have a show, but then i most probably will be having it on the 17th... and anyway, the GREAT NEWS WAS THAT I GOT PROMOTED ON TO THE NEXTTTTTTT LEVEL...I WAS SOOOoo happy! :D JUST LEARNT CHOREOGRAPHY ON THIS SONG FROM THE BOLLLYWOOD MOVIE *DELHI 6* ''genda fool''.. crazie, rite! :P

apart, there wasnt anything special that i'm missing on to or i dont think there is anything else that extra ordinary that i would like to put it down here...
i had the same old not so boring and exciting life :-P ... over the time, saloni and me became like besties... sholay recently turned 16... i'm soooooooooooo excited for mine... :)

ps. this reminds me, i still have to buy a gift for my girlfriend, hehe, sherlyn, that is! (suggestions are welcomed)

pps: today the 7th of july, is my dear sister's boyfriend's Sayantan's BIRTHDAY!!! so HAPPY BIRTHDAYYyyyyyyyyyyyy to him!! :D

I am not going to miss you

not any more

only those moments, 

the moments spent before...

not that time of day

when it was light

not that time of day

 when it was night

just a little of what

when you were mine!

sO far...

TEN DAYS of the THIRD and the last month of my summer have passed by... and i dont feel any change in me... ha!!

my result came... yeahieeeeeeeeee, i'm a senior NOW! I'M IN FREAKING CLASS 11!!! feels like a dream come true... on the whole i scored 89%... scoring highest in social, that was 96 (well, all my time -table and the organising that i had done for social had to pay!! social ONLY OF CLASS 10 was my favourite and i had prepared damn well for it... even though i expected a 100... 96 aint bad at all... *ka-ching*) then scoring 94 in mathematics, so NOT SATISFYING!! hahaha! they are good marks, no doubt BUT NO GOOD for the one who did her paper for scoring anything above 95, easily!! i was shocked but then, it was the first time ever that i had scored in 90's, so the happiness outweighted my mother's frown... ta-da... everyone asked me ''so, your mum happy?"... she wasnt satisfied... well, she was the only one familiar with my hardwork... she always told me that all she wanted was that my hardwork should pay, i guess that much of hardwork wasnt enough! anyway, she got over it.. the scene at home was horrifying when i'd check my result... nothing happened according the way i wanted. hahahahahaha!

moving on, yesterday daddy and me had gone to the school, checked out the list... and the excitement was sooooooooo much... even though i knew i would get my subject, but everything had its own charm... the happiness was out of the world... the feeling only comes once in lifetime, i'm veryyyyyyyyyy excited to go school on the 1st July, see my new classmates... part of life, shuffling will happen due to the choice of subjects... i'm not sure who all are going to be my new class mates except for Harshita, Vikalpa and Aakii, but i'm sure my friends which i made over two years, in class 9 and 10, are all taking science... :( :( I'll miss Hany, Tapesh, Jhil-Mil, Joshi, Vikram, Yaman... the Prashants who we used to mock soooooooo much!!! I have to work hard in class 11, i have to get a batch NMW!!!!!!!!!! yeahhh!!

And then guess what, ORANGE IS MY NEW FAV. COLOUR!! hahahahaha! The T20 world cup has started and this new team of Netherlands have orange uniform... so hawwwtttt!! hahahaha!

mY yam-dee (sakshi's bestie :D ) graduated from NIFT and now she's officially a FASHION DESIGNER<>

sholay came back a long time back, we hang out these days in the evenings having funnnnn!!! she's a sweetheart!! <3

and...3 days after my result came out, my tutions started!!! baaahhh... tutions for mathematics... it is in amar colony, the same place from where sakshi used to take tutions, hahaha, 7YEARS BACKK!!!!!!! so far, so good. nothing that difficult...

today, the 9th, i HAVE 3 classes back to back in the evening... yeah this sucks... 1st mathematics 530-630, then accounts 630-730 and finally GUITAR!! :D:D:D 730-830...hahahaha!! now that sounds like *summer*... something is happening and it better do!!! :P :P

*aNnOy€d*

I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm angry at myself, very very very veryyyyyyyy mad at me!! 

Somehow whatever i wanted to do this summer i SO WASNT ABLE TO! and this sucks... i was soo freaking excited for these holidays and now that they have gone, rather i have wasted them, i feel terrible... i had a list of tonnsss of stuff to do but i have no idea why aint am doing NOTHING! 

Yes, i'm learning belly-dancing, what i really wanted but that wasnt the ONLY thing on my freaking list!

i'm surprised at myself, for how LAZY i could be????????? howmuch? if i cant do my work how will i EVER BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR ANYBODY!!

THIS SOO SUCKS!

I'M LAZYING TO EVEN WRITE MY BLOG, MY CHEER, TO HELP MAA IN HOUSE, NOT EXERCISING, TO LEARN CEDAR-I'M SO IRREGULAR, THAT THE PROGRESS IS ALMOST NIL!!!! :( :( :(

AND WHATEVER I PLANN TO DO, CERTAINLY DOESNT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALERT!!! * Class X Exam Results 2009 - To Be Announced on 29th May 2009 *

i had a good day... owkiesh, short aerobics class... i even woke up groggy and was thankful that today the class was short...

saloni and me had fun, laughing and talking... the rest of the day i'd spend in doing a lilttle bit of house chore, ironing clothes, else i actually slept the whole day...

short-short naps in between.. and that is how i'd spend my afternoon. in the evening as i was getting ready to go out, saloni was on her way to come at my place, for the zillionth time in the day sakshi checked the CBSE website and it read ' Class X Exam Results 2009 - To Be Announced on 29^th May 2009  

i called up saloni to tell the news... i tried calling my other gang of girls but niether of them picked up the phone, darn... and after that, i slipped... i mean i didnt slip onto the floor or something, i'd slip with my feelings! i became nervous... excited... scared... right now i'm on the verges of panicking... I HAVE BECOME A NERVOUS WRECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!freak man... i cant handle the anxiety anymore... yes, at one point i think that result should be out, already and on the other hand at the thought ''what'' will be the result, i really dont want to see it... i'm happy like this...

but this result is the ultimatum.. everything will be over after this.. i will truly be in 11th. freak, 11th means like less than 2 years left for SCHOOL!! i will start crying now only. i know i'm thinking in tooo much ahead in future however if time will fly like this, i can see my self panicking for my 12th result already! and it sucks! . ...maaa!!! help me!!! :(

i really cant believe that 10 will be over soon.. i mean always wanted it to be over soon.. but i will miss it... yeah, i'm one jumbled up piece!!!!

my parents have gone to the hospital. a co-worker of daddy, whose been working with him for more than 25years is hospitalised and he is in a veryy veryy crtical condition. i'm scared for him too.. he's family, you see... he's a veryy great man... god bless him... 

and then the weather's becoming good outside, windy and probably it will rain. now this is a good premonition for it also rained both the times on sakshi's 10th as well as 12th result. it wasnt raining, it was a STORM!! both the times, i'm talking about,.. freak.

and then at the camp my fav, favvv and my luck charm bracelet broke!! at the last day of camp which is nott a good omen! i mean i dont know.. on a brighter side i think to have lost a great thing porbably may return in the form of GOOD RESULT!! you never know!

i have decided the scene at my home, first i will check the result myself, alone and once i'm satisfied (nmw the result is,i  have to be),  i will let mum, dad, sisi and everyone else to see... past week there have been so many calls, ''arey!! how was her result... ohh not out, yet! , so when is it then... ohh...ohh''... they are asking for my result as though its on their behalf i have given boards and if god forbid i dont get good one, they are gonna eat me up... *no hard feelings*

for i'm missing my dadu(grandpa) now... just as i prayed and wanted him to sit beside me whenever i gave the board paper, i want him to be there with me for the ultimate show as well... i know he will be there... he is one luck charm that no one can take away from me!

ps. wishing all the best to, 

aakii

harshii

gaurs

deeksh

shefu

viku

samster

jhil-mil

hany

jai

ayush

nikhel

eku

joshi

harsh

both the prashant

and all the tafsians and 10ies

anupam

mayank

diya

shardooli

saloni

prerna

neha

nimish

archit

all pinnacle students

and in the end, me! :)

Day VI

suman ma'am had this weird way of waking us up... rather all 3 of them did.. they would go ''gooOood mOrning... goOoOd morning... gOOD morning... wake up, wake up.. fats, fast fast... oye, good morning... we have to leave soon... get up... pack up your tents... LNT (leave no trace) incharge, where is it?... good morning... " and they would not stop... they would go on and on anddd on... i dont know what fun they saw in irritating us... and waking us up at like 6... that sucks... this was for the first time that for 8 days in a strecth i woke up soo freaking early... i would get up late for school also, 6 is freaking early...

half groggily i woke up... harshita, shardooli and i went into the wilderness, *tada*..we did the unpacking...i had a lil problem packing the sleeping bag, but i managed it anyway...had to.. lol... ;) 

once i as done with packing all the stuff back, including the biscuit packets and cake packets and also few of baked beans tin, when everyone was soo into themseleves, doing this and that, i have no idea, from where i  had this fit.. fit of home-sickness... trust me it sucked...i hate it. for when i wanted to be outta my home, and i WAS<>

once their packing was done, todoos starting moving, leaving harshita, rachit, mayank, anupam and me at the end...we found that two spoons, the stoves, cooking oil, all the garbage and what not was left behind... it really made me mad at those guys... i mean no repect for all the stuff they are leaving and we had to carry the remaining stuff... errr!!

that day, our trek was of 8km! 8 KILOMETRES OF UPHILL... FREAKING STEEEEPPPP UPHILL!!!!! AND I EVEN LOST MY WATER BOTTLE!! :(( AND THERE WAS NO WATER POINT ON THE WAY... :((( 

the beginning of it was hard, the steepest ever... i found mayank in the midway of it, resting.. he gave me the reason to rest as well... once the peeps behing us caught up, we started moving...the trek following that was horrible... we were again in the middle of jungle...we found a burnt tree lying on the ground and we could detect the smell, as though the fire was recently extinguished...and it was due to that fire we saw the glowing the previous night.. limits!!

at our first resting point, we stayed at that place for like more than 30 minutes... it became hotter and hotter plus, the way was, wayyyy uphilll... later on it got damnn steep and narrow!! very narrow...

mayank, poor he, he had a very tough time uphill.. he was carrying about 80-90kgs that included his own weight and the tent as well... we all cheered for him... gave him a round of applause and did all that, that could encourage him to move on... even though he was in imense pain and was exhausted beyond limit, he didnt stop...

it is very very veryyy tough job, for it is beyond words to explain that how the trekking was... i cant put it in words to describe how i felt... experience, is the word for that...

once we reached a good height... the view was a distraction. 

as i marched on the narrow path, walking uphill, a mountain, there were many mountain peaks on my right, cold breesze blowing on my face... it was beautiful... pretty and totally out of the world.. well it got better... not the view my condition, and not exactlt better, worse, lol... i was much beyonddd the word ''exhausted''... i was on the verges of collapsing... suman ma'am, harhsita, arshya, anupam all ahead.. shardooli and mithali behind me and i'm in the middle of a mountain on a green field i can see the resting point.. i was sooo freaked out... i had no power, no strength and no courage to move, i became that worse...

we reached... we did...

it felt like we were on the ''flat''top of a mountain, named Rangali Top... i againg smashed my bag on the ground and laid down.. as i tried to get back to my senses, i found this place was bodered by a wall of stones... huge area... there were two huts in the area... belonged to the whites in time pre-independence time. there was a valley of white flowers, which looked amazing... behind the huts were many mountains... beyond the white flower valley, was tree where green, red colth were hanged and there was also a potrait og God and Godess kept.Further,was a gate sort, beyond which was a jungle that was actually the girl loo area.. lol... 

there, we all sat in the shdae area of a hut... we were sooo darn hungary... starving, as though we havent tasted food for ages!!! i opened up 1 biscuit pakcet out of three... that made me remain with 2 biscuit packets and one of chocolate cake ... *this was the secret* 

so i said, we were sooo hungry that, we started eating sugar... we also came to know on our back, those 5 guys who had already reached and diya had EATEN THE FRINKING CHOCOLATE POWDER!! THAT WAS A DAMN 500gm TIN!!! ghosh! and they feven finished another halaal tin!! *annoying* while sitting and talking kartikay and bharat came up with this accapella thing for singing the sixer song and make anupam dance on it... lol...

now, we were deciding to open the secong last tin of halaal or not since majority of us didnt have and few of us were yet to reach... however we did open up.. and out of 17 halaals, i ONLY GOT ONE!!! meann people... 

the remaining troop reached like, an hour later than we did, which included rishika, mayank, naveen sir, kuber sir, rachit and sanya! these guys had a tribal make up on them.. leaves on their head... the black charcoal from tree massaged on to their face! ha... these guys reached, we were relieved! :)

after another 20 minutes the other, ''killer rafters'' group arrived! it was a great reunion, for many of us! that evening i had my fits on.. i kept on laughing, going here and there... i messed a lil bit of mattar paneer that day for lunch, but mayank the great saviour, didnt make it a big deal and saved the day! that day while rohan, diya, shardooli, harshita, anupam, ashray, rohan and me were relaxing, we found out that a big game of truth and dare was on, on the other side... the highlight of the game ''shivani was asked to lip kiss diksha and she did it...'' i dont think i really should say anything, for it was their wish to do so, however, i think these guys are least bother about their dignity or its probably my NOT showing open-mindedness for i aint from that ''class'' of school... i believe maturity comes with time and  for these guys, its much before ''time''!! :) who cares, anyway!

that evening i went to the water point, supposedly 200 metres downhill.. a tap sort from which water came as though it was forced to take a route via that tap.. it was freaking slow.. i had gone with ashray, rohan, rhea and ranya later joined by aditya and some other guy! since we had to go downhill, i even slipped once... i swear, those pine needles are worse than a peel of banana!! :P

that evening after a bashing from our instructors we finally did, pitch our tents.. we had amazing matar paneer and rice in lunch, courtsey : Mayank! :) 

for dinner, we had daal and rice, courtsey : bharat and kuber sir! :) also naveen sir... that night was much cooler... and once in our pullovers, there was a huge debate ove whose going to sleep outside... mean... guys slept outside and we girls in tent... before that, we had our ritual of listening to ghost stories narrated by naveen sir... 

so that very area also had its story... it was believed that every night you could hear howling of a girl when ever breeze flowed and if you go beyond the perimeter of the area, that is the wall, if werent allowed to go after dark for the ghost of that girl might attack... and why? well that is part of the ghost story which i didnt listen to.. again, i was lying on the ground with many of my friends around me, and me with the fingers in my ears, all set to hear nothing but probably my own voice and close my eyes...hahahaha!!!

the horror tale was probably really scary and hence there was againg a big quarrel of who will sleep in the middle... trust me, i'm clever at this... i told them i'll sleep in the corner the next day... and what not...

ulitmately my most tiring day of the trip ended... 

*******

yesterday, i think was the best tuesday, till now...apart from waking up early in the morning, aerobics was fun... even though all the way saloni and me talkied about nothing but FOOD!! god gracious!! here we're trying to eat less, very difficult i must say!! anyway, so sadhika came at my place... and luckily, fortunately, sadhu and saloni clicked together, for it is always a  lil difficult mixing up your friends from two different groups!!

we went to Lajpat in late afternoon... there at McD, i had chiken nuggets! and they were delicious! first time i had was in London and now they are in india baby... awesome! lol

and then we'd shop a lil bit... i bought this amazing neck piece, a lil long but really hawtt! *ka-ching* 

via Auto, we went to Amar colony. The amar colony ccd sucks... they dont serve you... we sat there for like 15 minutes... only 3 table were filled.. the waiter served and heard to other 2 and not us... we enjoyed the free ac, did beat the heat for a while and then walked off... we had a paneer roll... and thats it... we came home around 5... tired.. had water sat.. clciked more pictures... happy day,good day...in the eve i did chat with a long lost friend of mine.. practically, i'd hear from him after a very long time.. 

in the morning i felt like cursing saloni, because of her i ended up in this aerobics thingie and now, it feels really annoying to get up soo early ... however this assures me a good sleep at night... now i have started sleeping early baby... anyway, how does it make a difference... and now at home, i watched a movie, ''down to you'' cute, rom-com movie... ate cherries and melon... so apart from watching tv and sitting online i practically did nothing...and i wanted to to isolate... isolate from everything i did... but my *shitty* laptop suppose to be my saviour for now.. i have no idea how i did ever survive with out it...i still do want to go away from everything... just as my sister says, ''i'm addicted''..

sherlyn's result came in Panchkula region... she got 77%

my congratulations to Naomi, she did realyy well.. and also to Shalomi!!

... and now i'm freaking scared for my result... earlier i was very chilled out, no excitement nothing, and now i'm scared... i have no idea how will it come out to be and then, when i think about it..it gets worse... cbse people are becoming like those reality tv show people who will raise your heat beat to the limit , make us sooo restless and then once they are satisfied to see the anxeity in us, they'll announce it...!! 

gracious!!!